Let the citizens of the Netherlands beware: their streets are no longer safe.

That’s because yours truly took the train today to Schiedam Centrum, walked to the showroom of Pelicar, slapped his wallet on the counter and said, “I need a car.”

Amazingly enough, they had some to sell. Two exactly. There was one other automatic in the entire showrrom, but it was a huge Lincoln towncar from like 1980, so I passed. It wouldn’t have fit in my garage anyway.

Instead, I signed the papers on a 1995 Subaru Justy. Yes, that paragon of automotive machinery, the Justy. Just what is a Justy? I don’t really know, but it’s automatic and sells for under 2,200 Euros.

My JustyComparing the car-buying paperwork with the US, I would actually say that there was much less to do in the Netherlands. One form, some details from my license and some details about the car, a signature, and presto: Ann and I are now the proud owners of a Justy.

It doesn’t have power anything, not even steering. It looks like a strong wind would blow it over. It’s about six feet long, and three wide. The battery was dead when I took it for a test drive. But it has four wheels and goes forward when you step on the gas, and that’s enough for me.

My first car was a hand me down Honda Prelude that was actually a fantastic drive. The first car I ever bought was a five year old BMW 315 which I was able to pay for since I lived at home and had no other bills. Next came our trustworthy, if completely boring beige Toyota Corolla (which we sold to my parents when we moved to the Netherlands. And now a Justy.

Is it just me, or do my cars seem to be getting shittier and shittier.

It’s alright, it just has to last about 23 months. After that it can fall to pieces or disintigrate into dust, but until then that Justy needs to go forward when I press on the pedal on the right, and stop when I press on the pedal on the left.

Citizens of the Netherlands (and surrounding area), you have been warned.