Normally I don’t do this kind of thing. But my friend Jenn sent me this and I was right in the middle of finishing my thesis paper for school so naturally I stopped everything to fill this in. Can’t get all the names I want to send it to via my webmail’s crappy interface, so I will just post it. Thanks Jenn!
1. FIRST NAME? Brian
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? If so it’s being kept a secret from me. Typical. Mom and Dad are Templar Knights so they’re big on secrets. I’m actually descended from Jesus but am an atheist. Enough about me though…
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? I don’t cry. That wasn’t me! I was NOT crying at work the other day, it was just allergies so SHUT UP! I HATE YOU! *sniff sniff*
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? It’s so neat and small, who wouldn’t?
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Spicy chicken
6. KIDS, WANT THEM OR NOT? Yes. Either one or two. Any more and you’re an asshole destroying the planet. Yes, I’m talking about you Mel Gibson.
7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Tough one. I can be hard to take sometimes, even for me. Will say ‘yes’ though just to avoid looking like a pathetic loser with no self-confidence—damn.
8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? If you count the blog as a journal… yes.
9. DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR FIRST KISS? Yes. It was scary. She attacked me and I had girl saliva all over me after. Felt so used and dirty. Scarred me for life that girl did. Little twelve year old sexual predator she was.
10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? What are those?
11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Done it. Skydiving is next.
12. FAVORITE CEREAL? I like Life too Jenn. But I like Golden Grahams even more.
13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES BEFORE YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Not if I can help it.
14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Not when I am in the gym with all those beefcakes. Stupid no-vegetable diet…
15. FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Chocolate Fudge Brownie
16. MOUNTAINS OR BEACH? Is the beach topless? Cause I never go without my one-piece…
17. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOU? Being insensitive. But honestly, fuck you for asking.
18. MOST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOU? That I am still a big kid.
19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Ann. Guze. Ken. But most of all I miss Aaron Brown. Man I miss the US version of CNN.
20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? What kind of stupid question is that!? Of course not. Ian if you do this you are gay.
21. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES YOU ARE WEARING? Black shoes. Black socks. No pants. I call it “business casual”.
22. LAST THING YOU ATE? Tortellini with prosciutto. The kind that takes 4 minutes to boil. I’m not kidding. Any longer and there is a serious chance I will screw it up.
23. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The sound of my Windows Media Player whispering to me to “Press play you moron, why do you have me open? You are so stupid.”
24. WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Dark green. Or that really cool fuschia color that my Hypercolor shirts used to get…
25. YOUR FAVORITE SMELL? I have a very bad sense of smell so this question is meaningless to me. (Vanilla. On the skin of a woman.)
26. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Yuro. Weird, I know.
27. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU’RE ATTRACTED TO? Hair. (OK that’s a lie, it’s always the ass first.)
28. FAVORITE MOVIE? Lawrence of Arabia or Empire of the Sun. They tie.
29. FAVORITE NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Coke. I like it so much I don’t even drink any alcohol so I will just have more opportunities to drink Coke. Always the real thing baby. Always Coca-cola.
30. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Women’s Curling. Just kidding. Football (American)
31. IF YOU HAD TO CHANGE YOUR FIRST NAME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHOOSE? Hmm. Probably another generic white-bread English-y name. Taneeka maybe. Or Shaniqua.
32. EYE COLOR? What, you forgot already? Brown.
33. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Nah, tried once and couldn’t get them in my eyes, kept freaking out. Never went back to that optometrist again. Showed them…
34. FAVORITE FOOD? Chocolate. In any form.
35. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? Scary.
37. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Light green (if you can believe that. It’s the only one I own and I pulled it out today. Just for you.)
38. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer
39. HUGS OR KISSES? Depends on how hot she is and if my wife is looking…
40. FAVORITE DESSERT? Chocolate mousse.
41. SIGHT OR SOUND? What the hell are you asking here? BE CLEAR!
42. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO THIS? Ian (cause if he does he’s gay) (BTW, Jenn said I was the least likely to respond. I hope you lost money because of this Jenn. At least as much as the respect I lost for myself when I clicked the “Reply” button.)
43. WHAT BOOK(S) ARE YOU READING? I read nothing but school books and try not to remember their names. Thanks for making me think about all the school work I have still to do. Jerk.
44. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? The Dell logo and some crumbs. Wait. OK. Crumbs gone. Leftover cheese sticks. Tasty. Even weeks later.
45. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT? The Tuxedo. I just couldn’t turn it off even though my brain kept yelling at my finger: “PUSH THE BUTTON. IT’S PG-13 YOU KNOW SHE’S NOT GETTING NEKKID AND YOU REALLY WOULDN’T WANT TO SEE A SEX SCENE WITH JACKIE CHAN NOW WOULD YOU? YOU WOULD. YOU PERV.”
47. LEAST FAVORITE SOUND? Juliette Lewis’ voice. No wait— George Bush’s voice. NO NO WAIT! George Bush doing an impersonation of Juliette Lewis. THAT is my least favorite sound. Please, make it stop.
48. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? Stones. Although “Hey Jude” is a force of nature.
49. THE FURTHEST YOU BEEN FROM HOME? What home? I’ve lived in five cities in the US, three in Europe, and two in Asia. By now they’re all equidistant.
50. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL TALENT? Yes. But it has to be dark for me to show you. And you have to be naked. And unconscious.
51. WHEN WERE YOU BORN? Late at night or early in the morning according to folklore.
52. LAKE OR OCEAN? Lake. They’re cuter.
53. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Colonisten van Catan. Recent European discovery.
54. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? Maxim. For the articles. They’re funny. Honest.
56.THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP? “Are they ever going to give me the 300 thousand for this damn project…”
57. (FUTURE) CHILD’S NAME? I like Bram for a boy and Moira for a girl but I’m less picky about the girl’s name. Call me sexist, but I think the man should have the greater say in the boy-child’s name and the woman can name the girl whatever she wants as long as she commits to having the talk with her about getting her period and getting pregnant. All you honey.
58. FINISH THIS STATEMENT. “IF I HADA LOTOF MONEY……..? I’d have a lot of money.”
With which I would develop advanced software to seek out the email accounts of anyone who filled in and passed on one of these stupid questionnaires and would deliver them penis-enlargement and weight-loss spam every day for the rest of their life until they died!!!!!
59. DO YOU DRIVE FAST? Not currently because my piece of shit car starts to fall apart above 60mph, but if you loan me your car…
60. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? No. (Yes, a froggy.) (Well, if Ann were here would she count? She’s small and cuddly like a stuffed animal…)
61. STORMS – COOL OR SCARY? Cool if they have lightning. Gay otherwise.
62. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? BMW 325i fully loaded. Damn I miss that car…
63. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? I told you I don’t drink alcohol! STOP TRYING TO CHANGE ME! JUST LET ME BE ME DAMN YOU!!!!!!
64. FINISH THIS STATEMENT, “IF I HAD TIME I WOULD”? …punch you in the face?
65. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI? Broccoli is green. I don’t eat green things. Unless they are made of chocolate. If the broccoli was made of chocolate, yes, I would eat the stems.
66. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Hair color. You got any dye like that?
67. NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED IN?
Princeton (we moved back)
Kingston (thanks Ken)
Princeton (we moved back again)
68. ANY NICKNAMES? Yes, but for the conditions upon which I can tell you see question 50.
69. ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? She has nice hair.
70. MORNING PERSON OR NIGHT OWL? I’m more of a lemur really. Or a myrrcat.
71. EGGS – OVER EASY OR SUNNYSIDE UP? i can’t stand eggs (ditto to Jenn)
72. FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX? Camp Chingachgook.
73. FAVORITE PIE? *hee hee* I can’t. It’s just too easy.
74. OF THOSE YOU SEND THIS TO, WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Ian (he is gay)
75. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? My good friend Jenn. Thanks for giving me something to do other than my thesis project for school.