Computer “Exercises”

So, I was speaking with my friend Esther the other day when all of a sudden she was locked out of her computer. This program hijacked her computer, put up pictures of people doing strange things, and wouldn’t let her close it or do anything else.

“What’s that?”

“Oh, that’s my little thingee that tells me it’s time to take a break.”

Interesting. It wasn’t actually malicious spyware… it was a state-mandated plot to further decrease the efficiency of Dutch workers, carefully disguised as a service for poor, overworked office employees. Every few hours or so, this computer program (called WorkPace) pops up and tells you to take a break, stop slaving away for the Man, and instead instructs you to do strange isometric exercises at your desk to avoid becoming fat, near-sighted slobs like the Americans. To ensure compliance, the program actually doesn’t let you do anything else during the time that it runs.

Now, you may have heard stories about the tolerant nature of the Dutch, and their progressive attitudes toward sex and drug use. Well, here is the proof. Here we have some screenshots of the WorkPace program. In the United States, this is the kind of subversive, pornographic sabotage that can get you thrown in jail. Combine that with the sexually explicit nature of the “exercises”, and what you have in “WorkPace” is a de facto Government-sponsored campaign to destroy the very “moral fabric” of “civilization.”

Take this for example:

This woman is being instructed, during work hours, not only to masturbate, but exactly how to tilt her head in ecstasy for greatest ergonomic effect.

And this example:

The shoulders of this innocent-looking “office worker” are limbering up in anticipation of an unholy act of self-violation. The instructions, translated from the Dutch, read: “Once you are fully stretched (to reduce risk from Repetitive Stress Injury), commence beating off like a crazed monkey in heat.”

And this:

Just what do you think this exercise is to prepare for….?

Sick pervs.

(Oh, by the way, there is a free trial download of WorkPace available from their website, but unfortunately you can’t set it to “interrupt” you more than once an hour.)