CNN’s Top 10 Stories of 2004

CNN has just published its list of the top 10 events of 2004. Here’s my brief opinion on them:

1. Election 2004 – I still feel like someone ripped out my heart and beat me over the head with it. At the same time I want to say “I’m not surprised” (since I did predict this) and “How the hell could this happen?”
2. War in Iraq – Yep. Still as pissed off about this as before.
3. Terrorism – Same here. Terrorists are scum.
4. (tie) 9/11 Commission – Have to admit: didn’t read it. But glad they wrote it. Bush is a dick.
4. (tie) Hurricane season – My parents had to go through two of these. Hurricanes are dicks.
6. Yasser Arafat dies – The world is a better place for it. Arafat was a dick.
7. Morality split – This is an abysmal failure of the Democrats to counter the marketing of the Republicans (who are dicks)
8. Ronald Reagan dies – I’m sure the Soviets thought he was a dick, but a charismatic one.
9. Sudanese crisis – Can’t decide between anger or sadness over this. Where are the liberations armies on this one Bush, you lying snake. Where’s the intervention of the morally superior UN huh? The UN makes me mad.
10. Red Sox win World Series – The Red Sox are dicks. Still can’t believe the Yankees couldn’t win ONE out of four games to put them in their place. The Yankees let down America and ended a fantastic baseball tradition.

So, to sum things up:

• The world if full of dicks.
• Many things make Brian angry.

That’s pretty much it for 2004. I fall back on the fool’s hopeful mantra: “Maybe next year will be better.”