Dutch Humor

So our Dutch colleagues don’t have the best sense of humor…as Brian and I experienced yesterday on his 30th birthday party.

While Brian was touring vodka factories and Mc Donald’s in Russia, I spent most of the week thinking what I could do for his 30th birthday. As our work colleagues Wouter and Itsco, and their girlfriends would join us for a three-course lunch al fresco, I had to get some patio furniture. So together with Linda I went on a wild after-work quest to find a fitting table and chairs. I did find a nice (read cheap) table and chairs in Ikea, but once down in the warehouse where you have to pick up the stuff, it was of course out of stock (how many times do I have to experience this?).

I let out some true Flemish curse words, thereby entertaining the store clerk, but then heading straight to the Ikea food store for Swedish meatballs, so we didn’t have to leave this place empty handed. Then with 20 minutes before the stores closed, we ended up in Intratuin, where I finally found a table and 2 benches (a la Pottery Barn). Linda and Wouter helped to carry everything upstairs to our apartment on Friday night. Everything was set for Brian to come home.

On Sunday we expected our guests for a lunch at 1pm. At 1pm, I already told Brian to call them as none of them had shown up. Brian told me to relax but when it was about 1:20 and nobody was there, he grabbed the phone to call Wouter and Linda. Wouter replied that he was terribly sorry but that he had forgotten and that they were actually at the beach and that he would pack up and be there in a few hours!! I asked Brian if this was a joke, but as Brian could hear that they were outside, he didn’t think they were pulling his leg.

I became frantic and asked if these people were retarded since they were the ones who had A) tasted the pre-birthday chocolate mousse to see if it was edible and B) went to buy the furniture for this party. Still in disbelieve, Brian called our other guest Itsco, but he got voicemail…Where were these fuckers? We once again called Wouter, who said he would be on his way, and apologized for forgetting.

At that point, I was ready to leave the house and leave all the preparations go to waste just so they would arrive here in an empty house. As they could clearly hear me get very upset, they all started to walk much faster, because these assholes were just on their way “bringing the surprise back into the surprise party”. 10 seconds later they all arrived together at our house. I can assure you that it took a good amount of verbal abuse from my side to get over this.

All in all, Brian had a nice birthday, and we enjoyed a beautiful day outside on our terrace with some good food and funny (HAHA) company.

But if you ever do this to me again, I will have to kill you.

–Ann