Five points. That’s how close it was.
After leading the entire season, sometimes by as much as four games, I dropped five out of the last six games to leave the season tied at 9 games apiece. Guze and I agreed to make this week the last, so that there would be no chance of tieing and having to go to the Pro Bowl to decide our entire season (which we had to do in our first season).
First, let me say thanks to God, who blessed me with this victory. Allah huakbar. Seriously though, the goat I sacrificed to Anubis must have really pleased him, because the gods were with me in this game. First, Guze picks Steve Smith, who last week scored some ungodly amount of points. Actually, my goat sacrifice PLUS Steve Smith’s hubris to challenge the gods (by scoring an ungodly amount of points) is really what doomed Guze. Well, that, and the fact that Seattle held Smith to thirty-three yards of receiving (after he went for more than 200 the week before). The only TD Smith scored was a punt return (which was so unusual that I missed it the first time I calculated the scores).
For my part, the only smart thing I did was to pick Shaun Alexander. Which I have done numerous times this season. He’s the only thing that saved me, since I hedged my bets on Smith by taking Carolina’s QB.
Well, third season’s the charm, and now I am finally a man. Those years of kowtowing to the awesome football knowledge of the Guze are over. I owned his ass all season and then pulled it out when it mattered. Thank you for a fantastic season Guze, I am looking forward to the Superbowl (where I hope my boy Alexander will roll over Pit like Jack Abramoff rolled on his Republican buddies.
Until next September. Parting is such sweet sorrow. Adieu. Adieu. Adieu.